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sometimes... [Dec. 4th, 2005|11:05 am]

[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

can't we just float
like the clouds?
can't we just shine
like the stars?
can't we just believe
in our hearts?
can't we just trust
in the simple things?
can't we just be
who we want to be?

sometimes i wonder
what it would be like
to be her
to be him
to be anyone but myself.

can't we just love
without fear?
can't we just dream
without set-backs?
can't we just rise
like the sun?
can't we just enjoy
what we have?
can't we just smile
and be okay?

sometimes i hurt
so much that i cry
for hours
and hours
until i am just hollow.
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***ATTENTION ALL MUSICIANS!!!*** [Oct. 13th, 2005|11:55 am]

[Current Mood |angryangry]

If you get mail from anyone asking you to be part of the Emergenza festival, do NOT bother replying.

This is a festival that spans from Europe, to Canada, to the U.S., and it is a giant SCAM. Much like Poetry.com. They set it up to be a Battle of the Bands type deal. They ask you to pay a one time fee of $70 to play for the first show. This may sound like a good deal if you expect to win the first round... But winning is dependant on how many tickets you sell. They tell you it's an audience based vote... But if the bands themselves are selling the tickets... Just think about it. The only people that will vote for you will be the people you sold tickets to. IT'S A BIG UGLY SCAM! And the trick is that they only ask unsigned bands to play. They tell you that there will be representitives from Sony Records... At least 4 at every show. Guess how many are really there. That's right... NONE. If they asked signed bands to play, their managers wouldn't let them because they'd see right through the scam. It's ridiculous. Please, if you're a musician, re-post this everywhere you can!
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in this cold dark loneliness [Feb. 4th, 2005|04:22 pm]

there's this quiet hum,
and an empty feeling,
as i sit here,
thinking of nothing.

maybe i'm thinking of something,
but i don't dare admit it,
because, who wants
their heart broken?

there's a chill,
and the heat's on full blast.
and i'm still lingering,
on what can't be.

forever, there's a stain,
on my heart.
only time,
can fix it.

and in this cold,
this cold dark loneliness,
i can feel,
my body tremble.
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multiple personality suicide [Jan. 9th, 2005|02:29 am]

there's more to the eye,
than meets the mind.
and the blue in the sky,
is my clever design.
the lies that you told,
cannot save the night.
but the ones you have sold,
have put forth a new light.
and the sun has turned black,
it's turned dry in the sky.
and the fire it burned with,
has withered and died.
it's lifted my spirits,
i feel i could fly.
but the skin on my bones,
doesn't want to untie.
my mouth twists and forms,
an unheard battle cry;
but it seems to instead,
say an eternal "good-bye".
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(no subject) [Nov. 12th, 2004|04:13 pm]


So...is the cycle circular or is it a spiral on which I'm moving dizzyingly downward? It's high time for everything to crash down again. I'll break before christmas, and falalalala. I hate it. Once again acquaintences take up my time, but conversations have gone away. I want to want him, not to need him, and, anyway, we're not yet to the stage on which needs are permitted, (because it all means nothing). Physicality, unnecessary, but it's misunderstood. Companionship. that's what he told me I want, and he knows me better than I know myself, (dark and terrifying) stop putting thoughts in my head. Rejection is preferable to being ignored. I think. So if that is the case, then what is there to lose? I think it would be easy,
His      (dark, liquid)
Eye. as I fumbled for the many words pointless and unprovoked, to say (i.love.you.)
But on the phone, cold and alone, I just feel nothing at all.
I always think that (i think) i don't care what people think
yet, it's set in stone that they can't know (: think) about my past. He(past is masculine now) should never be explored, because he hurt me. Regardless of the warmth and (false) sense of security (but i sensed that it was wrong) dark chocolate was always a little bitter for my tastes. (but i'll melt at the sound of your voice)
I think it doesn't hurt, inspite of the nights I cried, and my tears ran across your chest and puddled in the dirty sheets, and you didn't even wake up to see that it was wrong. (or the bruises you made that i had to hide)

everything means nothing to me .

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Beautiful November [Feb. 11th, 2005|10:37 am]

[Current Mood |coldcold]
[Current Music |foo fighters - february stars]

Sinking in,
Some words are
Better left unsaid.
Some things are
Better left undone.
And in the ripening November air,
The crisp leaves
Will tell me
Their sorrow stories.
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Looking for the drug that heals [Jul. 4th, 2004|10:13 pm]

The humidity clings to my skin
Like static silk
Reality is making noise outside the screen
Skies are slowly turning grey
And as the air grows thicker
The music gets louder
Drowning out signs of life
Beyond my windowsill
Drowning life
With every notch
Melodies errode the philosophical reverie
Harmonies deface metaphorical empathy
Staring out the window
Choking on the breeze
Humidity like static silk
Shocking every nerve til it bleeds
Increasing the volume
Drowning out the real world.
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Puzzle piece [May. 17th, 2004|04:19 pm]

Take apart the puzzle
Leave sticky, candied finger prints
On this shredded existence
Lose a few pieces of me under the rug
Where secrets and betrayls hide their half cocked grins
Find the dusted, tattered box that holds me
Moth eaten and falling apart listlessly at the seams
Render me un-pieced, unkempt, unknown
Forget I'm on your cluttered shelf of wonders
And move to new delights
I am the impossible puzzle
For between you and I
The pieces were sabotaged from day one.
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Shameful Judgement [May. 16th, 2004|07:22 pm]
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]
[Current Music |"Fallen" - Sarah Mclauclan (leave me alone....)]

Look inside of me
Tell me what you see.
Am I what you think I am?
Or was my appearance just a scam?
You shouldn't judge a book by its cover
Before waiting until the conversation is even over.

Look inside of me
Am I what you thought me to be?
Is my heart really that kind?
Can you look at me with the same piece of mind?
Do you still think that I'm just like you?
Holding my breath for others while my face turns blue.

Look inside of me
What do you really see?
Did you think I was any less?
Or was it just your hopefulness
That I wouldn't equal more than you?
Well it looks like your nightmare has come true.

*I don't know whether or not advertising is allowed (there was nothing about it in the rules... I mean... for other communities), but I have a community and I would greatly appreciate if you would join. http://livejournal.com/community/fun_in_the_dark*

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Another Untitled [May. 14th, 2004|07:56 pm]
[Current Mood |lazylazy]
[Current Music |"Here Without You" - 3 Doors Down]

It seems like yesterday
You were making me smile
At school the first day
And we talked for while.

You gave me hope
And shed some light
And helped me cope
And made everything seem bright.

But now you're leaving
And may never come back
And I sit here weeping
Wanting everything I now lack.

My hope has vanished
And the light is dim
You're everything I cherished
And now it's all grim.

Yet I'll return your hope
And give back that light
Because I know we can cope
And I know it will be all right.

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