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So...is the cycle circular or is it a spiral on which I'm moving… - crumbling monuments of all your hopes and dreams [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Nov. 12th, 2004|04:13 pm]



So...is the cycle circular or is it a spiral on which I'm moving dizzyingly downward? It's high time for everything to crash down again. I'll break before christmas, and falalalala. I hate it. Once again acquaintences take up my time, but conversations have gone away. I want to want him, not to need him, and, anyway, we're not yet to the stage on which needs are permitted, (because it all means nothing). Physicality, unnecessary, but it's misunderstood. Companionship. that's what he told me I want, and he knows me better than I know myself, (dark and terrifying) stop putting thoughts in my head. Rejection is preferable to being ignored. I think. So if that is the case, then what is there to lose? I think it would be easy,
His      (dark, liquid)
Eye. as I fumbled for the many words pointless and unprovoked, to say (i.love.you.)
But on the phone, cold and alone, I just feel nothing at all.
I always think that (i think) i don't care what people think
yet, it's set in stone that they can't know (: think) about my past. He(past is masculine now) should never be explored, because he hurt me. Regardless of the warmth and (false) sense of security (but i sensed that it was wrong) dark chocolate was always a little bitter for my tastes. (but i'll melt at the sound of your voice)
I think it doesn't hurt, inspite of the nights I cried, and my tears ran across your chest and puddled in the dirty sheets, and you didn't even wake up to see that it was wrong. (or the bruises you made that i had to hide)

everything means nothing to me .